Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Recycling Revisited

For an easy-read version of Stewart Cree’s Blog – see Nigel’s Blog above or go directly through this link.

“Nigel, Nigel come ben here a mintie will ye?”

“Good evening Convener you’re working late again.  Is there a problem?”

“Och,  it’s ma blog again Nigel - a’ve got naethin’ tae say”

“Nothing to say Convener?  Why these have been two of the most momentous weeks of your, admittedly short, career - what with the by-election and everything.”

“Oh a ken, I ken, but a’body’s heard  the result so if’a go on aboot it they’ll jist think a’m bein’ smug an craawin’.  An’ ye ken fit they say - pride comes afore a fa’.”

“Yes Convener, but surely the administration is a little more secure now that you’ve got another Independent member.”

“A weel, maybe the peg’s nae as shoogly as it wis afore.  Bit there canna’ be ony room for complacency.  We’ll jist hae tae work awa and try an’ get this job deen.  But that’s nae the pint - I’m needin’ somethin’ to pit in ma blog again.”

“But Convener, you’ve now got plenty scope for political point scoring.”

“Na, na Nigel.  It’s nae the time, an it’s nae the place.  If the sheen hid been on the ither fit I widna’ wint tae girn aboot it - so I’m nae craawin’ either.  I’ll jist hae tae spik aboot somethin’ else.  Fit is there that’s nae controversial?”

“Yes, well that’s a good question because there’s not much on the agenda at the moment that fits that category - what with the western link road and the budget cuts and all that.  Perhaps the safest bet is the wheelie bins.

“Wheelie bins?. Fit’s new aboot wheelie bins?”

“Well, you’ll remember that last year we introduced new recycling facilities for our rural residents.  So this month we’re starting to introduce the same facilities in our urban communities.”

“In the toons?”

“Yes Convener in the…. em  er ….toons

“So fit’s the difference then?”

“Well the main differences are that we are going to be collecting plastic waste in separate bins and the recycling collections will take place every fortnight rather than weekly at present.”

“Here min -  wait a mintie.  My recycling boxes are dam’t near fu’ at the end o’ a week.  I’ll be in a richt sotter come a fortnicht.”

“Yes Convener but to overcome that, we’re going to issue more bins.  As well as your usual green and brown bins you’ll have a bin for paper and cardboard, another one for plastic and cans and you’ll continue to use your present orange box for glass.  So you should have more than enough room.”

“Have ye seen the amount o’ bottles I pit oot in a fortnicht ?  The beer drinkers o’ Moray will be up in erms!!”

“Well Convener, perhaps it might dissuade them, and you, from over imbibing.  In any case, I sometimes think that politicians and alcohol don’t mix very well.  Look what happened to the MP for Falkirk, Mr Joyce.”

“Oh here - that wis afa’ wisint it?  He’s a gey boy Eric.  Canna’ seem to bide oot o’ bather.  Bit you ken fit really surprised me?”

“No, what was that Convener?”

“He wis in the Hoose o’ Commons - in a Sports Bar !”

“Yes, well there are over 600 MP’s. I suppose they need somewhere to relax every now and then.”

“Aye - bit that’s nae the pint.  I thocht they wid hae a bit mair class than haein’ “Sports Bars”.  An’ ye ken fit they were daein?”

No what was that Convener?

“They were haein’ a Karaoke nicht.  That’s nae fit ye expect fae MP’s.  That’s mair the kin’ o’ thing ye’d find in the Ploo on a Seterday nicht.  I thocht that MP’s wid hae somethin’ a bit mair sophisticated.  Ye ken - like maybe a wee string quartet in the corner.  I didna’ expect them to be murderin’ Status Quo or gein it laldy wi “My Way”.  That’s jist destroyed the picter I hid o’ them aa’ sittin’ there, wi’ a bit o gravitas, listening to Bach or Schubert.”

“But Convener, everyone is entitled to a bit of relaxation.”

“I ken Nigel, but this is the Hoose o’ Commons.  Fit will they be daein’ next - playin’ bingo?  Ye can jist imagine the Speaker daein’ the bingo numbers – Chancellors Hoose - number 11, Davie’s Den - number 10,  aa’ the Greens - number 1.  It jist disna’ bear thinkin’ aboot!!”

“Convener you are ranting again.  You’d better get back to the topic - the plans for rolling out the wheelie bins?”

“Oh that’s a good ane Nigel!  Rolling oot the wheelie bins - bit a keep telling ye - I dae the funnies in here!  So fit’s the story?”

“Well the first phase of the roll… I mean the project commenced on Friday 15th March when the new bins were issued to householders in Alves and we’ll continue throughout Moray so that, hopefully, all our households will be using the new system by Friday 3rd May.

“So if onybody his ony questions, far aboot should they go?”

“Well Convener every affected household will receive a leaflet before their bins arrive, and another delivered with their bins which explains exactly what is going to happen.  However if they have any further questions they can visit the Council’s website at or telephone our Waste Hotline on 01343 557045.”
“So come 3rd May it’ll aa’ be sorted?”

“Absolutely Convener - in every sense of the word!!!”

If you need any advice or assistance with any aspect of the Council’s recycling programme, please visit the website link above or contact 01343 557045.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i love it.. good

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