Friday, 9 November 2012


For an easy read version of all Stewart Cree's posts see Nigel's Blog, and for the translation of this post use this direct link.

“Good morning Convener.”
“Fit like Nigel foo’s yer doos?”
“Foo’s my what Convener?”
“Oh it disna metter. Fit’s new the day?”
“Well I was wondering how you were getting on with the budget consultation exercise?  We really need to make sure that our message is getting out there and that people recognise what’s in front of us.”
“Well it’s been nae bad.  I wis up at Aberlour the ither nicht and there wis a fair turnoot.  Mind you, it cwid hae been better ‘cos we were up against Inverness Caley playin’ Rangers in the League Cup.  So maybe that hid somethin’ tae dee wi it”?
“And do you think that the people in Moray now understand the scale of the problem and the sacrifices they may have to make?”
“Well I’m nae afa sure.  There wis a gey few o them seekin mair money to be spent upgrading roads and pittin on mair buses and improvin’ libraries and the like, fin a’ we’re tryin to dee is save money I dinna ken foo tae get the message across.”
“Well what about recycling?  Recycling costs a lot of money you know.  For every ton of rubbish that the Council sends to the landfill sites, it costs us £64 pounds in landfill tax.”
“Landfill tax!  Noo there’s a good idea.  Fit do we spend that money on?”
“No, no Convener, you misunderstand.  The landfill tax is imposed by the Scottish Government.  The money goes to the Government not to the Moray Council.”
“Wait a mintie!  That’s nae fair – we collect the rubbish, trail it a’ the wye to Dallachy an sine we’ve to pey £64 a ton to pit it in the grun!”
“Precisely, Convener.  And the really bad news is that the cost rises by £8 a ton every year.  Its a way of encouraging local authorities to stop sending their refuse to landfill because of the environmental impact that this has on all of us.”
“Is there nae a “get oot” clause?”
“Get out, Convener?”
“Aye.  Ye ken, nudge, nudge , wink, wink.  You boys hiv aye got weys o getting roon aboot this sort o’ thing.  Is there nae some wey we can avoid peyin?”
“I’m afraid not Convener.  The process is strictly monitored.  The only way we can avoid it, is by recycling.  Are you a keen recycler yourself?”
“Oh - fairly that, I’ve been recycling since I wis a bairn.  I even hid a bitsa bike!”
“Bitsa? Convener.?”
“Aye you ken, it wis made frae bitsa ae bike and bitsa anither een.  We got them up at the dump an’ jined them thegither . Syne ye hid a bitza bike!”
“Yes, very good Convener but I think we need more modern examples to encourage people to recycle.”
“Well they can pit their lemonade bottles back for a start!.  My granny aye sent me tae the sweetie shop to get thrupence back on ivry ane.  And it wis the same wi the milk bottles, a quick sweel oot and they were oot the door for the milky in the mornin’ – recycyled!.”
“Yes, Convener.  Most illuminating - but we need to concentrate on the here and now.  Perhaps you should do more to encourage waste food recycling.”
“Waste food recycling?  There’s nithin new aboot that either.  My granny used to keep a bucket at the back door and onythin that wis left ower efter oor denner – mind you there wisna muckle – went in the bucket and syne she fed it tae the hens.  Then, every noo and then, we would recycle a hen”
“Recycle a hen Convener?”
“Aye, she wid dra it’s neck an’ we wid hae it fur wir denner!.  Then a day or twa later, nature wid tak it’s course an’ we wid recycle it”
“CONVENER!, that’s far too much information.”
“Aye but that wis real recycling”
“Well that’s what you’ve got to do now Convener.  You’ve got to help persuade people to use their food recycling containers and cut down the amount of food waste that is sent to landfill.  Remember, every ton of food waste is another £64 pounds.
“Fit aboot a poem?”
“A poem, Convener?”
“Aye, like we hid at school fin we needed tae mind something. Ye ken – Thirty days has September, April June and November .. it made it easier tae mind fit ane wis fit…”
“Well it might work, Convener…”

“A’ Richt, here we go
Dinna’ throw your food waste oot
Nae foosty loaf nor rotten fruit
Nae cabbage leaves or tattie parins
Or brussel sproots left by the bairns
Jist pit it in yer grey container
There ye go -it’s a real no brainer!
“Will ‘at dae?”
“Yes Convener but perhaps you should start with the line “With apologies to William McGonagall””

For further information on how you can help save money by recycling all waste (including food waste) visit the Moray Council website by clicking the link here.

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